Would the face mask debate be over?

Photo by Markus Spiske on Pixabay

Would America’s most senseless debate — to wear a face mask or to not wear a face mask — still be raging if Covid-19 caused its victims, every victim, to suffer permanent, full-body hair loss?

The answer to that question is: “No.” No. The debate would be over.

If only life was that simple. If only the genetic code for hair loss was imbedded in the Covid-19 virus, thereby causing baldness.

For if Covid-19 did cause baldness, all of humanity would have masked up due to vanity as word of the virus spread during the early months of 2020. The…


Humor

Saying goodbye on a cheapskate’s budget

Image by Shutterbug75 from Pixabay

These days, the possibility of untimely death — mine — never completely leaves my thoughts. And since the Covid-19 pandemic continues to shake my long-held belief in the low odds of dying in one’s 50s, I have decided it would be wise for me to remind my husband of my after-life demands.

My demands are unconventional. And efficient. And simple.

And fulfilling them, ironically, may be the most difficult task my husband will ever undertake.

This is because I am asking him to promise me that, if I die before him, he will forgo the typical expensive, American sendoff for…


HUMOR

My drinking problem is not what you think — and will make you unforgettable, I guarantee

Image by 🎄Merry Christmas 🎄 from Pixabay

I have a delightful, diamond-shaped wine bottle stopper.

For my good health, I recently decided to fling my delightful, diamond-shaped wine bottle stopper into the trash. Surely, I thought, pairing the plastic stopper’s faux, crystalline fineness with Fluffy’s distasteful litter box production would finally allow me to banish the stopper from my mind.

I was convinced this was what I needed to do to relegate the stopper to my drinking past.

If today — after a few weeks of introspective, alcohol-inspired consideration — I told you I have acknowledged that flinging my delightful, diamond-shaped wine bottle stopper into the trash…

Karen Lappa Haas

Always: an Illini grad and mother of three. Formerly: a paralegal and an award-winning journalist and publicist. Currently: a reinvigorated freelance writer.

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